Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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