wanna go halves on a baby?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
