i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
