New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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