and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You took a bar mat shot.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
