jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
