Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
