Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
