The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
