Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize