Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
