i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She bit a glass in half.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
