Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
