is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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