Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The Olympian is in my bed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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