I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
