Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
