I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
