you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
