so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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