just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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