I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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