I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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