Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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