Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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