Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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