The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
