Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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