oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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