Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
