Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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