But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So. Much. Porn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
