p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
