my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
