Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
