Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
