There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
