Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
