Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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