the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
