hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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