Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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