We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
