you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
