im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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