Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
