I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
