You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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