piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
