I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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