well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
