The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
