I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
