Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
