Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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