Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
