Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
