I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
