Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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