just come out here and I will go home with you...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
