"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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