He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
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I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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