All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
