In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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