I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
