Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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