tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
