those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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