I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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