Yo dont text me then not text me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
