Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
