I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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