who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize